TPS E22: Bag Of Dildos, Listener Questions, Stinky LA – Thingspolicesee

TPS E22: Bag Of Dildos, Listener Questions, Stinky LA

In this episode Steve commutes home from his security gig while he answers listener questions and recalls some funny moments from his police career.  

thingspolicesee@gmail.com


this is things police see first-handaccounts with your oast Steve goldhey guys it’s Steve welcome to thepodcast in this episode I will I willtell you a story from the job that Ilike to call a bunch of dildosI will also answer some listenerquestions right now I am currentlytraversing the world-famous I 10 freewayin Los Angeles even the freeways hereare famous I just drove by Los Angelesas the Sun is setting I’m just leavingmy security job that I do wants a once aweek in Beverly Hills Sun setting LosAngeles looks very pretty doesn’t alwayslook pretty it’s um it’s kind of a it’sa stinky city it just is in theNortheast or even the East Coast themajor cities get rained on a lot sothere’s a lot of washing away in LosAngeles I noticed that the the peepeesmell from man and beast alike tends tolinger longer cuz they literally will befour or five months with no rain so itjust it’s just kind of a stinky City butfrom the safety of the 10 freewaylooking upon it right now as the Sunsets it looks it looks pretty even thesmog is adding to a certain hue to thesky that that is making the ambiancequite nice so I want to start byapologizing for last week’s episode itwas only up for two days and then I hadto take it down what happened was andwhat I do when I interview a policeofficer who’s active or retired I alwaystell them listen I don’t put anything upthat you don’t want people to hear so ifwe record the episode and there’s somethings you won’t mean to to like bleepout some names or even a part of theinterview you don’t you’re not happywith I will edit that outI will I will never not do that for youbecause I want people to be comfortableand happy with the interview that we didand for all 20 odd episodes so farthere’s been some times when I’ve had togo back inmaybe cut out part of an interviewyou’ve probably heard me bleep somenames or even even swears whateverwhatever the guy or gal wanted me to doI would do and even as far as if they ifthey reach out to me and say you knowwhat I kind of wish I didn’t do thisepisode could you take it down I willtake it down I would never leave it upif they were uncomfortable is it thepain in my in my heinie it’s a bit of apain in my heiniebut it’s it’s worth it to keep peoplehappy and you know I give my word that Iwill so I will I don’t want peopleregretting the interview so in this caseI interviewed someone and it was finebut then a couple days after theydecided you know what some of the peoplehere feel like maybe I shouldn’t use theagency name so much we did talk a lotabout the agency I would just kind of bemore comfortable if you just took itdown not a problemI took it right down he may come backand we might have a talk and just leavehis agency and where he works out of itwhich isn’t that big a deal so maybeyou’ll just kind of have like a redo ofthat episode or something like that butthat that’s why that was up and then itgot taken down so I apologize if youdidn’t get to hear it it was a prettyfun one but it is what it is I’m notgonna let it sit up there if someone’snot comfortable so that’s that’sexplanation for that so I will startwith listeners questions I am driving my2008 Prius right now on the i-10 as Isaid so bear with me I wrote thesequestions down on a pen and pad with apen and pad earlier and I looked himover and I haven’t really looked themover since so just you know might be alittle bit maybe a little bit rough sothe first one isdo I work with a lot of ex-military I doa lot of do a lot of cops we’re a lot ofcops in the military and is that ahelpful thing I’m kind of paraphrasingwhat this listener was asking yes thereis a fair amount of ex-military in thepolice force it’s kind of it’s kind ofit can kind of go hand in hand you knowthe military is a good prep for policework in a lot of ways they’re the theboot camp you go through and thediscipline and learning the chain ofcommand all that stuff is really goodfor getting acclimated to what thepolice is like now the police is a itobviously is a paramilitary organizationthat operates in the public so it’s notit it’s much different in the militarybut the basic principles you pick up themilitary will definitely help you and Ithink just being in the military maturesyou as a person so if you’re looking atmilitary or college I wouldn’t say oneover the otherreally but military is great then we geta lot of good candidates who were in themilitary and a word of advice as abackground investigator if you do go inthe military and you go overseas or youyou’re you’re you’re deployed be mindfulof what you’re posting becausebackground investigators look ateverything you’ve done all the thingsyou’ve done and it’s easy when you’re 18years old to be in a foreign country youknow in a battle setting to post somestuff that just just ain’t gonna go overwell in the States when you’re lookingto become a police officer and I’ve seenit firsthand so just be mindful of whatyou’re puttin up online when you’reoverseas deployedthat would be my word of advice for youbut yeah it’s going on the service isdefinitely a great prep and like when Iwas in police academy the guys there wasa fair amount of military guys in the inour academy with us and to them it waslike no big deal the police academy waspretty easy if anything they mightstruggle with academics but the the PTand the drill and all that stuff was wasreally simple for those guys so itdefinitely gives you a good prep forthat oh the other thing is if you go inthe military most times you can collectthe GI bill while you’re in policeacademy which is awesome so they’ll payyou to go to police academy I knowthey’re in my academy class there wasthree or four guys that were collectinga nice-nice check every month for goingto school to be a cop so that’s adefinite bonus next question is do Ihave any touching moments or positivemoments from being a police officer andthe answer of course is yes I do onething that the first thing that poppedinto my mind was when I was very new andwe got we got dispatched to a mentalhealth call so there’s a young young manhe’s in high school at the time must’vebeen a freshman or sophomore very youngand he was having some issues so we gotdispatched there I feel like I waseither on training still like I was witha supervisor in the same car or at leastI was just very new I can’t remember butI remember showing up there with asupervisor and this young man had cuthimself a little bit and he was verydepressed and he was you know basicallysuicidal so I mean the supervisor was afriend of mine sat down with him wechatted with him for half an hour madehim more comfortable kind of normalizedthe whole things he wasn’t feelingso outside of the situation I guess andI remember thinking this man this kid isa really good kid he’s a really good kidand he I feel like he doesn’t even knowthat about himself that he’s a good kidyou know and it was kind of it wasdepressing the call and we had himlaughing a little bit by that by thetime that it was time for him to go hehe happily went in the ambulancevoluntary voluntarily and went to getsome help at the hospital the psychdepartmentwell this same kid where I rememberreally pulled at my heartstrings and Ireally really just liked him from thehow the half-hour conversation we had Ijust he was just my kind of guy he was agood guy I saw him two or three yearslater I was doing a detail for the highschool prom and here he comes walking inobviously looked much different he wastaller bigger even looked like more likea man you know had a beautiful date withhim and I smiled and waved to me andsaid hello you know and he just couldn’tcouldn’t have been happier he whateverproblems he was having had subsided hedealt with them and he was just a happynormal young man that that made me feelreally good I remember that feeling belike oh I wanted to hug him you knowlike because that you didn’t know but Ihad been worrying about him you know itwas a couple years once Allah wouldthink about that and just felt so so badfor him but um that was like a nicemoment that was really cool and you willhave those in police work for sure Imean people if you talk to cops on thejob it’ll be a lot of doom and gloomthat just kind of kid comes with theterritorybut you will people will appreciate youyou’ll get notes you’ll get cardssomeone will bake you cookies you knowyou might not eat them because you knowjust a word to the wise if you want tobuy something for Cobb you should belike like a sealed store-bought cookieis let’s definitely get eaten before abunch of homemade cookies where peopleare like who madewhy do they just cops are naturallysuspicious then nobody likes them sojust if you’re gonna do that for your PDlike when we bought we bought a bunch ofcookie Christmas cookies for our PD inour home – in our home city here andoutside LA we just bought a bunch ofstore-bought sealed cookies just so youknow we weren’t you know sprinklingarsenic on them or something so yeah youwill be appreciatedyou’ll make a difference in someone’slife and it does make the job prettygreat so that was that was that was thefirst thing I thought of when when Iread that question on to the next onedid I have any realizations about thejob that I didn’t expect after being onthe job for a while um hmm I mean it’snot nothing is really what it seems everyou know because things become ordinaryyou start doing them and it just becomesyour life so that kind of being a copkind of wears off and it just becomesyour your day-to-day but one thing Ididn’t really think about or expect wasthe physical wear on your body thatbeing a police officer has like puttingon the the bulletproof vest in the gunbelt with all the like the all the it’slike a Batman utility belt now there’sso much stuff on cops belts now thatreally wore me down over the years so Idid like probably 14 years wearing a gunbelt and right before I left my like ifI had to go on like a canine track orwalk a long distance my hips werekilling me even at the end of a normalshift just walking around with all thatweight pulling down and putting pressureon my hip flexors that really botheredme and like it there’s no better feelingwhen you’re calm at the end of shiftthan to take off all that crap you’rewearing it feels so good so I didn’texpect my body to respond the way it didI even went and gotI got an MRI and x-rays and they saidyeah your your hips are kind ofnaturally have shallow hip sockets sothis isn’t gonna get any better for youwearing a gun belt like that you knowkiss gum bells are twenty thirty poundsand you wear them every day somebody anda lot of times I was doing doubles so 16hours a day it wasI didn’t expect my body to be hit so sohard physically that it was maybe notexactly what you’re looking for in thatquestion but that’s that’s just kind ofwhat popped in my head right now as Icareened down the highway at 70 miles anhournext question what skill or quality isessential in my eyes to being aneffective police officer or a good cop Ithink I’ve said this before I don’t knowif it was on my podcast on or on someoneelse’s but just your person abilityperson is that a word person the abilityhere your communication skills I wouldsay your ability to communicate withfellow human beings is the biggest mostvaluable thing you can have as a policeofficer is controlling a situationverbally and you know there’s on everyjob you always have guys are good atthat and then you have guys that show upto the call and you know okaythere might be a fight because thisguy’s not this guy’s not good at it he’snot good at defusing situations verballythere’s a fine line you know there’slike you can’t you can’t let someonebrow beat you as a police officer youhave to mean maintain control but youneed to know how it’s not nicely thisisn’t a nice word but in thesesituations to be able to manipulate thissituation for the best outcome if youknow what I mean a lot of times you’redealing people who are intoxicated or ifthey’re not intoxicated they’reextremely agitated or angry so they’renoteither way they’re not themselves so youkind of have to build a CREP you cancraft a scenario with your your beerhole to control what’s going on if youcan kind of control the situation withyour mouth that is invaluable becausethat you will you will avoid so manythings you’ll avoid some cases beingphysically attacked you’ll avoid futurecomplaints you can even avoid an arrestthat maybe you’re on the you’re on thefence whether there’s gonna be arrest ornot you you can really diffuse a lot ofthings with your mouth so just I’d sayverbal techniques like I had a guest onCaroline Miller a friend of mine she’s aDC cop she’s one of my first interviewsshe called it verbal judo verbal judo isextremely valuable whether you’re a manor a woman I would say okay that willwrap up that will wrap up the listenerquestion portion of this podcast next Iwill tell you a story from my career asI mentioned earlier it’s my dildo storyso I’m on Midnight’s it’s probably Ithink was 2:00 or 3:00 in the morningnot much traffic going on not much goingon I think it was either the spring orthe fall because it wasn’t busy time ofyearremember that and I ended up getting ano UI arrest or a DUI depending whereyou are in the country operating out ofthe influence or or driving under theinfluence so and there’s some details Idon’t remember but I remember the mainparts of this I remember pulling thisguy over in the south part of town bythe rotary there’s a there’s aroundabout at on the border of our townbetween us in the next town and this guyI was falling for a while he was taggingall the lines he was I can see he wasusing his phone sowhen you’re falling something like thatand the cruiser it’s either like allright this guy is drunk it’s 2:00 or3:00 in the morning so he’s either he’sprobably drunk you’re thinking he’sprobably drunk but you also you can seehim using the phone so it’s like allright or maybe he’s lost me who knowswhat the situation is so I’m thinkingdrunk or lost I mean a lot of times it’sboth so it’s all over the road pull himover now when I approach this guy and Ilook at him he is hold on the notebookjust fell over onto the recorder okayI’m back he smells of alcohol his wordsare slurred his eyes are glassy he wasyou know going in and out of his Lane oftravel so I’m thinking pretty sure thisguy’s intoxicated not only that histeeth are a nice hue of purple like youknow and you know when you drink toomuch red wine and like between yourteeth collects all that colorwell his teeth are like that not onlythat he also has a big red wine stain onthe shirt he’s wearing so he is spilledwine for himself after a briefconversation I have a really goodsuspicion he’s intoxicated we end updoing he tells me you know what I camedown here he goes I’m it’s kind ofembarrassing but I’m in a couple onCraigslist and I was gonna we were gonnahave a threesome I was gonna coupled thehusband which I had to look it up butit’s you know when someone has sex withyour wife in front of you so he was herefor that then he said I’m trying to gethome he goes I just keep getting lostand chatham well this guy is probably78 miles from Chatham he’s at ease twotowns over from Chatham so he’s reallylost he tried to get out of Chatham andended up two towns in the wrongdirection to going home where he liveswhich is off Cape so I go hey man you’renot in Chatham you’re you’re way offyour way lost he goes yeah I figured Iwas he goes you know what I showed upand he was embarrassing to say and youknow this guy’s he’s a you know shortguy he’s got kind of long scruffy hairbeard not who you would think like not Idon’t know who you would think wouldcoupled your wife in front of you butthis guy it’s a short little fuzzy guyyou know what I mean and he goes yeah Ishowed up and they weren’t having it sobut they felt bad so they gave me abunch of wine and we drank a bunch ofglasses of wine spilt wine on myself asyou can see and I was just gonna countmy losses and go homethen he pulled me over like all rightyeah come on out do some field sobrietyso he bombs the field sobriety gets hegets arrested so when you arrest someonefor operating under the influence youimpound their vehicle and if yourdepartment has a policy to search thevehicle for valuable for you know tosecure their property then you go aheadand do that well this is also a reallygreat tool to look at everything insomeone’s car because if you have apolicy on that the court said ruled inMassachusetts that anything illegal thatyou find are is fair game so yeah I’mlooking through your car to inventoryyour property because we’re gonna beresponsible for your car for the nextyou know for this foreseeable futurebecause of Melanie’s law we’re gonnaimpound it but also if I run acrossevidence that contributes to this crimethat’sthat’s free game so if I find like youknow half a bottle of booze whateverso we’re inventory in the vehicle andthis part I’m a little bit hazy on Ithink at this point I transport thearrest to the station and I met bysomeone else in booking and mysupervisor stays behind in inventoriesfor me well I’m in the booking room heat some point in the night after we havehim booked he my supervisors is hey yougot to come over here and in one of theinterview rooms we have in the stationhe goes you won’t believe what I foundin this guy’s in this guy’s trunk I’mreally he’s like yeah it’s it’s uh it’sAsha morges Board of dildos I’m likewhat so he brings me in there’s a like ahockey bag just filled with dildos andbondage gear and sex toys anything youcan think of for kinky sex is in thisbag there’s even a dildo that you takeand you screw like onto a champagnebottle and then you shake up thechampagne bottle and the champagneshoots out of the dildo that is in therewhich is a we we only know that becauseit was attached to a champagne bottleand we could kind of some eyes alrightthis thing’s got some kind of plumbingin it this is this is what this thing isfor he also has a bunch of drugs on himthat he had Emiel nitrate on him which Ithink they’re poppers I think it’s whatremember Hannibal Lecter in one of thosemovies is breaking poppers under a guy’snose and the guy cuts his own face offthat’s that that was a meal nitrate so Ihave to look that up because I have noidea what I’m looking at and I find outyeah that’s illegal it’s called a mulenitrates poppers and I guess it fromwhat it said online it says ithelps relax the anus so use yourimagination there so he’s got that stuffhe also has a bunch of waivers formaster slave sex relationships withwhat’s acceptable behavior what isn’tsafe wordsokay so just crazy crazy stuff me and mysupervisor I just like shaking our headslike this is this is unbelievable nowthe other thing we find which was maybethe most disturbing believe it or notwas there’s a map of an elementaryschool off Cape and there’s a coupleclassrooms circled on this map theelementary school and a date written onthe map so we’re looking at this likewhy why is this here like why is thiselementary school map here what doesthis mean like what is this guy plan todo with this map like that we don’t getto solve long story short the guy wasactually pretty was a pretty nice guyeasy to talk to he’s got a daughterhe’s got taught on parent-teacherconferences coming up and that was a mapfrom his elementary school and that’swhere he needs to go he kind ofexplained it all away he he definitelyis part of that lifestyle of the SMMlifestyle the cuckolding lifestyle allthat he was you know we were joking hewas pretty embarrassed about it but thatway that call to me was like I mean thisis Cape Cod in like you know a slow timeof year and this guy’s just kind of bangaround our roads lost after a failedcuckolding and we said that was a prettyfunny story but you never know you trulynever know who you’re going to pull overat 2:00 or 3:00 in the morningand that is for sure so I think whathappened was I think he actually I don’tthink he even went to court on itbecause I think he didn’t want to talkabout any of this in court in open courtI think he just took took a guilty andthat was that I have to say I got abunch more questions from anotherlistener and they mostly pertain toundercover work and what that’s like soI was never undercoverI was just a patrolman and I did some Idid a couple undercover like buys andnot of drugs of stolen property of allthings I did that a few times I was anew officer I worked Midnight’s peopledidn’t really know who I was so I couldeasily you know throw on some jeans inthe Carhartt jacket and buy stolenproperty so that opportunity came up andI jumped at it yeah awesome this is coolso I did that but I never like toucheddeep undercover work at all so thank youfor the questions I’m gonna have to Iwould love to interview someone who waswent deep undercover that would befascinating so if you’re out there andyou did do thatplease research the show things pleasesee at gmail.com I would love tointerview you there would be a lot offun I want to thank you guys forcontinuing to listen continuing to go oniTunes and rate and review the podcastthat’s really awesome you guys are doingthat I’ve got I think 91 reviews nowthat just just awesome I really reallyappreciate I really love doing thepodcast and I’m gonna keep doing it aslong as you guys like itand it it can be challenging findingscheduling my life to find someone tointerview to you know people aredonating their time and other goodnesstheir heart to be interviewed by me forthe podcast and it it doesn’t alwaysline up so some weeks it will just be meyou know rambling like like this timebut I hope you guys still enjoyI really enjoyed doing it and I will seeyou guys next week

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